Commonly used terms and definitions

Time to expand our vocabulary boys and girls!

Amateur radio, like most hobbies, has it own list of terms that some people may be unfamiliar with. Hopefully this section evolves to become a reliable tool should you ever be bored enough to buy a scanner and listen to these idiots. If anyone has a term and/or definition to contribute then, by all means, send it to me via email. I'll only add one or two terms a week and I'll try to keep it in alphabetical order. Bear with me folks, I only dabble here when I'm sober and bored. One of which I'm hardly ever after 1800 hrs.

  • Blue Waffle: A renegade amateur radio operator who got tired of having part 97 quoted to him on channel 38 LSB (located on a part 95 radio service) by hams illegally operating on channel 38 LSB with modified ham radio equipment (not part 95 type accepted by the FCC). Started a massive war and campaign of false reports to the FBI and the FCC when he started releasing their call signs on channel 38 LSB and which illegal frequencies between 11 and 10 meters these guys were using during choice skip conditions. This effect drove several ham operators into a nervous frenzy because he was making it impossible for these guys to violate federal law in anonymity. 
  • Citizen's Band: Often referred to in its abbreviated form, CB, a radio service used mostly by truckers on channel 19, operators who know more than hams on channel 6, and mostly hams on 38 Lower Side Band because they have ruined their hobby with all of this ecom bullshit. Channel 38 LSB is also known to host that mysterious enigma known as the Blue Waffle whose mission is to expose these hams (by revealing their call signs on the channels they were on and the illegal equipment they were using).  Also known as the location of the famous Blue Waffle War from 2011 to 2016. This war was responsible for the upstart Blue Waffle Radio Network (mostly composed of non ham operators that adapted the Blue Waffle call sign to continue to piss these hams off). This band also includes the FRS, MURS, GMRS, and LPRS radio services that hardly anyone but drug dealers, pimps, and illegal aliens use.
  • Ecom: A blend of the words "Emergency" and "Communications". Also a classification of the type of communications most modern dorky amateur radio operators get into the hobby to conduct. Most of the younger single male ecom hams masturbate to posters of Laura Smith while the older hams who are lucky enough to have enough money to get a woman to marry them visualize Laura Smith when they're having what we can all assume is their form of sex. They all dream of the asteroid impact that will one day allow them to use their HT and bag of cheetos to finally be looked up to as the "hamsexy" heroes they imagine themselves to be. Hurricanes and tornado warnings have been known to cause these types to spontaneously repeat every word they hear on the weather radio on the repeater so the people who issued the warnings in the first place can be alerted of the warnings. Seriously, don't try to wrap your mind around that and I am not joking. See Skywarn. 
  • Hamsexy: Once a website populated by actual police officers, fire fighters, and EMTs that was created to express their frustration with crackpot ecom cop groupie wannabes. This site had massive amounts of data that exposed how crazy most of these types were ranging from people starving their families to chase their dream to be a "Twister" chaser to outright criminal behavior when these ecom hams light up people on the highways to pull them over. Apparently the ecom pussies had the site shut down but the term lives on. Hamsexy is used to describe all things dorky with amateur radio operators. These are guys who believe their ham license somehow makes them "sexy" in a sense. Maybe the feeling they feel they now belong makes them feel as if they're DESIRED. Hamsexy could be described as a mental illness. AE5LB and N0MSW are definitely "hamsexy".
  • Hard hat: Device used to convey, to the easily impressed, that no one is working harder at doing nothing for them  than your local ecom whacker. The more creative whackers even use this device to attach an antenna. These guys are the epitome of "hamsexy".
  • Independence Day (Movie):  Also referred to as ID4, a 1996 epic disaster film with an all star cast to include the very sexy (at least to me) Mary "Stands with A Fist" McDonnell. This movie caused more CW buffs and ecom operators to sport wood than The Devil in Mrs. Jones. Often referred to as Volume II, Ecom SOP and Field Guide. See Twister (Movie).
  • KC5CSG: See Blue Waffle
  • Whacker: The first term I'm adding. A person who believes his ham license makes him magically become a FIRST RESPONDER. They usually have magnetic signs attached to their cars showing their affiliation with some REACT, CERT, or ARES group that they never take off. More antennas than NSA HQ on their cars, military gear in the trunk and the sacred reflective vest on the passenger seat. Most love to install flashing lights on their cars to resemble emergency vehicles. It is common for these guys to get busted pulling people over pretending to be cops. Although most of the storm spotter whackers stick to amber light kits, a few like N0MSW, like to live dangerously and install red flashing lights on their vehicles to give that true law enforcement look. They usually show up at emergencies with one half charged battery on their HT and usually get in the way. Most legitimate first responders cannot stand these guys as they usually only serve the purpose of getting in the way. Click here to learn more. Most level headed amateur radio operators cannot stand these guys because they cause confusion on the bands and are slowly turning a once fun set of bands into a collection of pseudo public service bands. Most whackers tend to be male amatuer radio operators. Usually the type of male that marries the first woman to let him have sex with her.  Most of these guys would NEVER be caught speeding through a school zone, if you know what I mean.
  • Reflective Vest: Largely considered by most cop/fireman/EMT wannabe groupies as the second most important piece of equipment in a whacker's toolkit for success. More important than a spare battery for the usual Baofeng POS HT it took a year to save for. More important than food when arriving on site to "save the day" by talking on the radio for people who, well, talk on the radio for a living. Ensure maximum visibility that gets the whacker noticed by the common citizenry.  The more CERT, ARES, and REACT patches that can be stuck to it the better. Usually worn in conjunction with a hard had (for blowing leaves and twigs?), and a speaker mic attached to the vest. 
  • Scooter/Rascal: Often seen at hamfests and walmart, a light wheeled vehicle designed to replace the walker and wheelchair as the floor assault vehicle of choice by today's aging amateur radio community. Usually has a mock license plate attached to the rear displaying the amateur's callsign. Some even have entire radio and antenna systems attached to them. Urine collection bags and oxygen bottles are often common accessories attached to these tactical vehicles. Often requiring a ramp to transport to their areas of assault, these devices attached to their cars and trucks makes them very easy to spot as they're conducting radio direction finding exercises in your area. Even though these vehicles are slow and very easily evaded, they are designed to carry massive amounts of weight and are indispensable assets to the ecom army. 
  • Secure your station/Secure my station: Term used by the ecom whacker that makes it appear they operate with military precision. Level headed (non whacker hams) use the term QRT which means they're done transmitting. Since QRT doesn't sound cool enough, Secure your station/Secure my station is the term of choice for your seriously fucked in the head whacker.
  • Skywarn: In Calcasieu Parish, a group of three or four people who sit by their window at home repeating warnings word for word they hear on the NOAA Weather radio on the repeater so the National Weather Service can be made aware of the warnings they have just issued. One or two will even argue about what they think are "hooks" they see on the radar of their Weather Underground accounts. The fact some pay for this service means these guys really need to get laid. In any other geographical location within The United States, a sometimes beneficial group of people with training who will drive to certain locations (usually preassigned to them) and report anything the National Weather Service may be missing, to confirm to the NWS what may be detected on radar, and to provide an actual useful service to their communities. All of them whackers, but sometimes these idiots can be useful. Skywarn associates are like moths. They are attracted to flashy amber lights and will often install them on their vehicles to feel good about themselves in stressful situations. Most use the movie "Twister" as their Standard Operating Procedures and all seem to be well knowledged about the "The Suck Zone".  Rumor even has it that N0MSW has passed his vast knowledge of the "Finger of God" to KC5AJP so that if/when one dies the gayness is guaranteed to continue on in true W5BII fashion.
  • Twister (Movie): A 1996 epic disaster film starring Helen Hunt, Bill "Game over man!" Paxton,  Allen "Fry" Ruck, and the much hotter than Helen Hunt Jami Gertz. The film most, in the sane amateur radio community, consider the catalyst for this ecom craze and the creation of the modern day whacker. Often looked upon by ecom creeps as Volume I, Ecom SOP and Field Guide. If you want to see a whacker lose his faith, remind him that all of the radios seen in the movie Twister are CBs. Believe me, this movie is masturbated to by ecom nerds more than Debbie does Dallas. See Independence Day (Movie).

Typical whackers. Why the reflective vests inside?
Typical whackers. Why the reflective vests inside?